Money Madness (or Maddening Money)

Although I rarely discuss it here, money tends to be one of my largest sources of stress. I am almost ashamed to admit it, but money tends to have little meaning to me. That might be an okay situation if I were a single guy without a chronic illness, but I am a married man, a dad, and a person with narcolepsy. As a result, I definitely need to be conscious of my spending. I also need to provide assistance to my amazing wife. While she is certainly a better (and wiser) money manager than I, the reality of our lives is that much of the tracking of our spending has fallen to me. I am good at the "organizational" aspect of that, but I become quickly overwhelmed when it comes to the decision-making aspect of the finances.

Fortunately, I have only had a small number of complete errors when it has come to our money. We are also blessed in that I am able to supplement my wife's income because I can still work part-time. At the same time, keeping track of our bills and our expenses has gotten more and more difficult for me. To function in such a capacity, I need to be extremely focused. Unfortunately, I expend extensive energy to be that person. Thus, I am either neglectful of my other "duties" - being a husband, being a dad, being a teacher, and taking care of me - or I miss a bill payment here and there. Because of my commitment to living in the moment, the latter has happen more frequently than the former. While that is good, I think, it also sending my wife through the roof (and does not do much for my shame based thinking). We are attempting to shift much of the bill paying back to her, but she has so much else to do that it has been difficult.

The larger reason that this is on my mind, though, is the time and energy that I have used over the past two days. We need to change our "primary" credit card due to the merger of Northwest Airlines and Delta. For years we have used a Worldperks credit card to pay for many things. Our reasoning has been simple. We fly four or five times a year and using that card has gotten us at least one free (or reduced) ticket each year. Since we live in Minnesota, Northwest was our primary (perhaps only) option for the variety of flight times that we often needed. Now, Delta will be that airline. They only want one credit card option and like American Express. While I could care less which card it is that I am using, it is driving me insane to remember/discover all of the places that we have set up our current card as the payment option.

If I don't do this, we will either need to activiate the "new" card from our current bank simply to be safe. Then, any charges will go into a "new flex points" account for travel on any airline, but the AmEx card will get most of the charges, so we will never use the "flex points." Obviously, this is a minor issue in a world which is seeing a global recession, Iranian oppression, and numerous human rights violations. At the same time, it is driving my tiny brain into the ground. I have changed most of our pre-set card situations - I think. Still, one site would not allow me access, and another would not let me remove the defunct card. I added a new one, but the old one is loved too much perhaps. I bet it won't be so popular if I accidentally charge something to that card.

Even having gotten most of these updated, I am nervous about what I might have missed. The reality is that my narcolepsy undermines both my memory and my self-confidence. And, in the event I do miss some payment, I will get to wrestle with that guilt too. Hooray. Hopefully, I can let this junk go. The most important thing is that I am making progress on it. I also need to remember that we are extremely lucky to have a steady and solid income. As frustrating as these financials worries are (and narcolepsy is), we are truly blessed and want for nothing.