Balanced and Blah

So, I had a productive day - sort of. I mowed the lawn, watered everything, got more dishes done, prepped a bunch for my next MITY class, spent time with my daughter and even got the bike rack on our car for the trip tomorrow. I also managed to rest, a few different times during the day. On the whole, the day certainly was as close as I could ask to being a good day. Yet, I felt out of sorts throughout it.

I don't want to analyze why I felt that way. I know, rationally and logically, that today went well. I also know that my sub-conscious mind and other deeper parts of my psyche are still not open to accepting a day like today as great, or even good. that reality certainly won't change tonight, or tomorrow, or probably even next week (or month for that matter). I do know that I need to acknowledge the feelings. I am trying not to be frustrated about my reaction to the day. It is what it is. Getting mad at myself won't change that, nor would it do me any good to pretend like the day was wonderful from an emotional standpoint.

What I hope is that by writing this blog, I can own the day - all of it. I achieved much. I would like to praise myself for that - and mean it. For whatever reason I can cognitively recognize the "good" in my efforts, but I can't open myself to joy such activities should engender. Rather than rage about my inadequacies, I simply want to acknowledge my sadness about this. By sharing the situation I think that I will eventually be more at peace with my narcolepsy and the ways that it is changing my life. We will see.