Place of Peace

I am struck lately by the calm that I am often able to find. Even on the most frenetic days at school, I am now able to close my eyes, breathe deeply and relax. It doesn't always work, but since it used to NEVER work, I definitely think this is progress. I know that with regular yoga in my life, I will not only get better at relaxing, but I will also become quite adept at purposefully loosening specific muscles. Wow, do I need that!

The other thing that I love is that I am able to carry some of that stillness in my heart and soul these days. Certainly, I am a basket case much of the day (as I have always been), but even in that frenzy, part of me knows that things will work out in the end. Just today, my carefully crafted lesson on Gilgamesh did not go the way that I wanted it to go. In our first class, the students asked tons of questions which forced me to continue the lecture into the second period. I love that they were interested, but as a result of that, they wound up with more homework than I had hoped. It got even crazier in the second class. I was more efficient in my lecturing, and the class essentially had the entire second class period to work. But, the computers decided that they had done enough for one day. So, hardly anyone could get to the appropriate website. In both situations, while I was frustrated, I simply rolled with the realities. I tried to help my first group as much as I could, floating from group to group and checking their progress. With the second class, I actually had them put their computers away. Instead, I read them the sections of the story. We even answered the questions together. They too wound up with more homework than I had planned, but I think that is okay.

Just months ago, I honestly believe a day like today would have done me in. Instead, I managed to run some errands, get my daughter to volleyball and even write a few blogs! Hooray! Something is happening for me, and that is good. I am well aware that my narcolepsy is not going away. In fact, all of this has happened even though I am fairly exhausted these days. That said, though, I know that I am starting to understand the real base line for myself. I am also feeling motivated to make a difference with what I do. The driving force for that impulse is me, which is even more important. So often in the past, I have tried to be a better teacher, or dad, or husband, or person for other people. I know this time, I am doing it for me.