Just Another Wacky Day

I had thought my next blog would be about the amazing experience of being in my men's group. I also considered a blog entry on the importance of therapy. A third topic choice was the vitality of friendship and its importance in my life. Nowhere in my planned list of entries was "completely insane day centered on your wife's health issues." And yet, here we are!

My wife is amazing. She truly stuns me on a daily basis. Not only does she manage to love me unconditionally, even with the gloom of narcolepsy hanging over me, but also she daily proves that nothing rivals the affection of a mother for her child. Our daughter goes non-stop and taxes both my and my wife's reserves. Since I don't have much, my wife bears the brunt of the parenting, and virtually every other home life responsibility. Rather than becoming feed up with our child, my wife's enthusiasm for our not so little girl grows with each challenge and demand. It is astounding.

Beyond that, the love of my life is also a phenomenal editor and writer. Her work at the University of Minnesota Medical School has already garnered her a tremendous reputation. Recently, she facilitated a four session workshop on grant writing. Every week she had 50 doctors and researchers engaged for an hour and a half - about writing! She is even better one-on-one and rarely does someone walk away dissatisfied from working with her. Her professionalism and dedication are the stuff of legend among her peers.

Given all of that, it is unbelievable that we spent the afternoon running around dealing with her health issues rather than mine. She is the strong one; I am the ill one. Yet, she has been struggling for weeks with fatigue and stress issues. We have even discussed the possibility that she might have a sleep disorder. Talk about irony! Today, though, went well beyond speculation. Periodically, my wife has had severe abdominal pain. The working theory has been that she experiences ovarian cysts in those episodes. She had a situation last week and even got to discuss it with her other concerns during an appointment with her nurse practitioner. They did a number of tests, and many have already come back normal.

Then, today, my wife called me right before Noon. I was in the middle of class and could not call her until the class ended. When we finally had the chance to talk, she told me that she was experiencing the pain again and was unsure if she could drive. She did manage to get home. I then headed home to get her and brought her to her clinic. After getting our daughter at school and canceling my own appointment, we returned to the clinic to find my wife still waiting and in pain. She finally headed back and was there for an hour. An X-Ray showed nothing significant, and my wife got some Mira-lax in hopes that would help. We still needed to get her to the hospital, though, for a pelvic ultrasound. We don't have those results yet, but my wife is convinced they will be normal too.

She headed to bed as soon as we got home. I must admit that I am scared. My wife's dad has had some major health issues - surviving colon cancer, sleep apnea, type II diabetes. At one level I am sure that she is fine, but it also frightens me that someone as tough and driven as my wife could be incapacitated in this way. The reality is that NOTHING has ever slowed her down when she needs to get things done. But, whatever this is, it has stopped her in her tracks. It is also eating at her that she feels so limited. The quirk is that she keeps checking with me to make sure that I don't think she is being lazy. It is almost laughable that she would feel that way. For seven years, I have barely been able to function due to mysterious and strange health issues, yet she worries that I will think she is weak after a day of pain. Of course, I am complete empathy. Unknown medical problems are horribly frustrating. My own issues have (and sometimes still do) driven me bonkers. Given the way our culture treats illness, it is no wonder that most of us beat ourselves up for getting sick. Being a drain is bad, thus we must be bad if we are sick. How warped is that thinking? Yet, we all do it.

I desperately hope that nothing is seriously wrong with my wife. I don't know how we will weather the reality of two limited adults in this house. But, if something is deeply wrong, I honestly hope we can find it soon so my wife does not have to face the medical nightmare that I experienced, moving from specialist to specialist, never getting a clear answer. The most irrational moments that I have are the ones where I convince myself that I have somehow given my wife this illness. So many of her symptoms mirror my early ones. Of course, that could just be me making myself the center of attention, rather than providing my wife the attention and care that she deserves. Please keep her and our whole family in your thoughts. Thanks!