Humility and Hubris

My mood has been good for a week, which is incredible. My spirits have remained up even though my physical state has been sliding for days. I even managed to respond, "good, really good," to the question, "how are you?" The craziest part is that I meant it! I can't remember the last time such an answer came to my lips naturally. Given all of this, one would assume that I would be prepared for the shoe to drop, but I was not. Yesterday was shaky, but the walls crashed in today. I still managed to be social and friendly (except to my wife and daughter, which made the day even more wonderful given that it's Mother's Day).

More than anything, I regret not preparing myself for the inevitable slump that had to come. Somehow, the delusion that years of irritating illness would simply be resolved by "coming to terms" with my narcolepsy caused me to forget that we all experience highs and lows. Heck, I had weathered a week of fatigue; how could things get worse than that? The ancient Greeks loved to build their best dramas around that specific theme. Hubris is one of our most human characteristics, and I indulge in it voluminously. How can it get worse? Quite easily, particularly when multiple issues collide within the cauldron of chaos that is my daily life.

I went to ultimate practice on Saturday. While I have been doing my physical therapy exercises regularly, my endurance is non-existent. Strengthening one's knees does little for preparing the body to face the strain of even one long ultimate point. I knew that and was pleasantly surprised by how well my energy held up, even as I sat out most of the drills and the scrimmage at the end of practice. What escaped my attention was the reality that I would remain exhausted for the remainder of the day. And, the idea that such exertion would continue to sap my strength into today never even entered my mind. Well, it did, but I didn't honestly believe it. Of course, my valiant effort at practice did continue to affect me throughout the rest of the weekend. If that had been the only issue, I might have still been okay, but other factors also impacted my reality, knowing that I need to readjust my reality.

I had one task this week that my wife needed me to complete. I simply had to apply "weed and feed" to our lawn. Yet, I somehow managed to reach this weekend without accomplishing that relatively minor task. I had even reminded myself each day (except Friday) that I needed to get the fertilizing done. My wife was not thrilled on Saturday morning that my one task remained unfulfilled. We abated the tension by discussing the situation, but I knew I needed to get the job done before Saturday ended. The weather forecast predicted rain by the evening, which meant that I needed to mow the lawn and spread the chemicals before the sunset. Not a problem, I thought. Of course, I should have remembered that the "gods" don't like such human arrogance. I returned from practice as the rain began to fall. It had not started in Saint Paul by the time I got home; it simply waited until I brought my bag inside. When I returned to the driveway, the precipitation was heavier than a sprinkle. Still, I managed to mow and fertilize before things got bad. The problem was that I was already shot before I did the yard work. Taking care of those minor items took any reserves that I had left. It was barely 1 PM, and I was done for the day.

Clearly, plenty of Saturday remained. I only did a few more things before we left for Church. After Mass we had a surprise party for a friend's birthday. Then we headed home and got some food on the way. I ate late and took my medicine at 11 PM instead of 10 PM. The power went out over night, and I missed my second dose. I did take it at 4 AM, but then did not arise until 8:30 AM. Eventually, I "got ready," but we were 30 minutes late for the Mother's Day celebration at my sister's. The day was good, but I struggled to focus the entire time we celebrated with my mom. We finally got home at 6 PM. My wife and mom had enjoyed the day, but I had not been overly social, not had I done anything. While I eventually buckled down to accomplish a few things, I also managed to have a minor fight with my wife. I even snapped at my daughter and stressed out completely when I couldn't log on to the Science Museum of Minnesota's membership site. I did discover my error, but not until I had upset both of the wonderful women in my life.

In the end nothing horrible happened. I accomplished a few tasks and did uphold my duties. My wife even enjoyed her Mother's Day. But, I need to remember that bad things happen every day. Even when I feel like things can't get worse, I must recognize that they can and OFTEN do. Every day is a blessing, even when nothing goes correctly. I have done a remarkable job of letting myself experience the highs and lows of my life. Now, I must forgo the assumption that a week of negativity physically demands that I be rewarded in some capacity. I am owed NOTHING, and I must remained grounded and accepting of everything that life (and this condition and reality and God and fate and medical science and...you get the idea) brings my way. My goal needs to be staying grounded, regardless of what has (or has not) happened. I must stay humble, and I must avoid hubris.