Parenting

I adore my daughter. She fills the world with laughter, music, joy, angst, passion, art and love. Daily, I find myself fascinated by the verve she exhibits. At the same time I constantly worry about the impact of my narcolepsy on her. Obviously, our home life is not "normal," but whose is there days? Still, her dad is regularly exhausted. Today, she performed at a solo and ensemble festival for band. I picked her up at school and then drove her home to change. After a few minutes, we were back in the car racing to get to the festival. We arrived in plenty of time, and she warmed up. Her piece was beautiful, genuinely impressing the judge. My daughter was (and still is) walking on air after that. The entire experience created an outstanding evening, except that I was spent by the time we got home. It drives me nuts that I can't be more present for her in general, but after her incredible evening, I wanted to be bouncing off the walls for her. I couldn't. We did have a good night. I just hope she knows that I love her.

My other worry, though, is that daughter will also develop narcolepsy. She already has some of the same healthy issues that I had as a child. There is no way to recognize narcolepsy in those things - sinus issues, sore throats, long lasting colds. At the same time, I know that many of those things still plague me today. I also know that she does dose off at times. She plays hard, like me, then crashes hard, like me. I don't want to force testing on her. I also don't want to "suggest" to her that she has narcolepsy, which is a real possibility with any child. But, I don't want her to spend years living with an undiagnosed condition as I did.

Parenting is never easy. I want to make wise decisions and do what is best for my daughter. I also know that I suffer from depression and anxiety, and my anxiety is often about things far more trivial than my daughter. Thus, I need to be careful when it comes to my daughter. My instinct is to be ridiculously overprotective, but I must trust that with patience and careful observation, my wife and I will notice if there are real issues to address medically. I love my daughter, but I also can't let my issues become hers simply because I project them on her. I love that my quirks can make even something as difficult as parenting even more taxing!