Lack of Focus

Everyone I know finds it weird that narcolepsy and ADD share a medical treatment, but the longer I cope with my narcolepsy, the more sense it makes. I have been unable to focus for three days now. Folks with attention deficit disorder use stimulants to help their brains lock onto a single idea or event. Narcoleptics use them to stay awake, but when I am run down, I find that I can barely keep an idea in my head for more than a few minutes.

Even writing this entry is tough. I have a good insight and start to type and... You get the idea. I think the most unnerving part is that I will be all set to do something, and an hour later I haven't even started. Time seems to move in fits and spurts when my focus is like this. During one of my more interesting stretches like this, I took three days to get two loads of laundry finished. Impressive.

The irony is that recognizing how poor my focus is at these times has helped me come to grips with my narcolepsy. I tend to drift off in the midst of mentally berating myself. It is nice, but bizarre. The other reality, though, is that the humbling experiences of losing track (of basically everything) makes me remember that I am only human. Much of this condition is completely out of my control. And, that is okay.