Sleepy Sadness

So much has happened this month, and yet I fear I have no words. The days and weeks have literally gotten away from me. I also lost track of my job, my other responsibilities, my health and any sense of schedule. Worst of all, my wife lost one of her brothers. Her youngest brother choked on a sandwich and no one knows how long he was deprived of oxygen. He was on a respirator for ten days. Finally, he was taken off. No tests done while he was on the respirator gave any indication as to how he would react. The assumption was that he would likely die. But my wife's brother has thrown folks curve balls his entire life. In true form, he remained in a coma, but began breathing naturally. Then, 36 hours later, he died.

Complicating things even more, the death came on my daughter's birthday. My wife left for home on Saturday and will return to Saint Paul on Thursday. My wife stayed for my daughter's birthday sleepover, but it has been good for her to be with her family. The visitations and the funeral were good, and I know that she is feeling more at peace with this. I am still feeling the loss. I know I made the right decision, but I also regret that I could not have been physically present for my wife and her family.

All of this has drained me even more. At the same time, I have been more productive in the last few days than I have been in a month. I see that as a good sign. I know that I need more time for me, but am struggling to find it. I need to sleep more and must find a way to let down. Having three days off next week will definitely be a welcome relief. I also think that the grading that I will need to do at the end of the trimester will be lighter. It definitely feels good to write again. My goal for the end of this year is to establish a clear pattern for exercise, yoga and my time. I need to take much better care of myself. If I do not, I know that I will be unable to do the job that I love so much.