The Father of All Support Groups

Clearly, I have thoroughly enjoyed my experiences in the Facebook and MySpace narcolepsy support groups. I also realize that I have gushed in typical Mike Main fashion about MOONS. Some might find that ridiculous after just one meeting, but others will realize that "that's just Mike!" As great as all of those groups have been (and will continue to be), I need to acknowledge that I would never have gotten to this point without the most important support group in my life - my Men's Group. I also need to clarify that I would not consider my beautiful wife "a support group." She is obviously THE most important person and supporter in my life.

In the spring of 1994, I stumbled into an incredible situation - a group of men who were interested in helping each other to become better people. A wonderful friend and colleague brought me into the group. In the intervening 14 years, every major event and reality of my life has been shared, supported, challenged, loved, questioned, and affirmed by this wonderful collection of characters. While individuals have come and gone, the spirit of the group has constantly remained the same. We each come to be present for each other. Our stories and backgrounds encompass a wide range of experiences, but each of us feels lost in the realities and difficulties of life.

Every two weeks we gather to share, to tell pieces of our stories. We reveal the insecurities and foibles and fears and concerns that plague our daily lives. After all checking in, we negotiate for time. Usually a couple of us then unpack larger aspects of our struggles. The issues range from fights with spouses or bosses to psychological concerns, from career changes to medical conditions. It was within this group that I first began to confront my own inabilities to accept my inadequacies. From these other men, I realized the depths of my own fears and emotions. I also had to own the extent to which I worked to avoid those fears and emotions. For years I had simply attempted to shut everything out. The result was horrid sideways behavior that did nothing but hurt me and worse, those I love.

Most importantly, though, these men showed me that I have a right to be happy. They helped me to start understanding that I must find ways to fill my own soul. Without that, I think my marriage and my teaching career would have ended years ago. For so long, I attempted to give away everything I had that was good. Certainly I still "kept" things for myself, but those were twisted and warped aspects of myself - ideas and behaviors that I wanted to keep hidden and tucked away, actions that could not withstand the light of truth. This group pushed me to start peeling away the layers, to admit my flaws, to embrace both my strengths and weaknesses.

Without them, I never would have had the strength to battle through everything that accompanied my health struggle these last six and a half years. Certainly, times arose even in our group that they challenged me on the "reality" of my condition. But, instead of feeling hopeless (as it so often did in the offices of my many physicians), our confrontation reaffirmed my own belief that something was genuinely wrong. My men's group is the place I am most honest with others and with myself. If I knew there that I had something physically wrong with me, then I could trust that as truth!

Even as I begin this journey into living with my narcolepsy, I value more than ever this support group. While none of them have experience with sleep disorders, I know that they trust me and believe me. They also continue to challenge me to admit my limits and to challenge my boundaries. Best of all, they love me - unconditionally. Just last Sunday, as I took time to share the crazed ups and downs of the previous two weeks, each man in the group gave me strength and affection. They complimented me and confronted me and pushed me and hugged me. I am blessed to have them all.