Museum Musings

I am sitting in the cafe at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts. Correction, I am being paid to sit in the cafe at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts. I am here with the students in my Minnesota Institute for Talent Youth students. My co-teacher and I have brought our students here each year for the past four. Usually, I am pacing the galleries, looking for our students to photograph them, and worrying that I am “not doing enough.” I do periodically take a few minutes stop to look at a piece of art, but so often in the past I have felt like I MUST be the “teacher” while I am here.

I know I am slowly coming to terms with myself and my narcolepsy when my immediate thought this year was, “hey, I can use the time at the MIA to unwind a bit.” Not only that, but also I felt no guilt in that thought. Thus, MITY is paying my to chill this afternoon. Even better, I definitely feel like I am earning that pay. My co-teacher and I spent time on campus and here framing the experience. We are getting the students into a different environment to provide new stimuli to inspire their work. And, quite honestly, whether I am sitting here, or if I were pacing the galleries, I would not be helping my students write. In fact, one could argue that my hover easily could do more harm than good.

Even as I typed that, I realized that one of my students just wandered past. The young women and men that I get to teach a MITY amaze me. Often, they have been treated with ridicule and disdain because their intellects frighten even their teachers. Thus, most of them have no idea how to feel supported, or welcomed, or appreciated. Also, because they tend to “get it,” at least intellectually, the wonderful young women and men do not know how to be kids. By letting them roam, we are giving them the gift of trust and respect. They certainly do not need me to watch their every move, nor do they need one more adult who makes them feel uncomfortable. I have no doubt that the approach which my co-teacher and I take in the classroom (by treating our students as brilliant and thoughtful young adults) is a huge piece of the success we have had over the years. I am grateful that I am beginning to find ways to bring that same attitude to our field trip.

It is just one more way that narcolepsy has proved to be a blessing, rather than a burden. The reality during the previous two trips to the MIA is that I HAD to rest for long periods. I felt guilty doing it – “I can't let MITY pay me to rest” – but it happened nonetheless. Bottom line, though, is that I will be far more effective tomorrow because I took this time to relax today. So much of managing my narcolepsy is letting go. I tire rapidly and stress increases the energy drain. By being hyperconscious at a museum, I exhaust myself and do a disservice to my students. Thus, I am allowing myself to appreciate the stillness today. Hopefully, I will continue to embrace the gifts and the frustrations that narcolepsy brings me on a daily basis.

On a tangential, but loosely related, note, my Wii experience continues to be productive. I have now found myself on at least two occasions dripping with sweat while grinning and laughing. I am clearly getting exercise (and finding genuine strength building in my legs), but I am also having fun. Both of those are vitally important to me living with my narcolepsy. My physical endurance has fallen precipitously over the past two years. It is the awful reality that time for exercise has remained a distant priority as I have been forced to choose where and when I exert myself. At the same time, I have pulled away from many of the things that do make me laugh. My ultimate team was a major highlight of my life, mostly for the joy and camaraderie that it brought me. Sadly, the declining nature of my physical condition stripped the fun out of ultimate. While part of the pleasure I take from using the Wii is laughing at how stupid my Mii looks at times, I am also spending far more time interacting with my daughter. I had dearly hoped that the Wii would be a bonding element for our little family. Things are definitely developing that way. Finally, even if the exercise and fun were not happening as well as they are, I am overjoyed that I am using the Wii to reconnect with yoga. Primarily the “yoga” material on Wii is poses, but those alone are helping me reconnect to my body in a deeper and more spiritual way.