I certainly am glad that this past week has reached its conclusion, but I am also thrilled to have lived it. While I did not "enjoy" missing my wife, having a sick daughter, teaching down one team member, enduring redundant questions, or short changing my sleep cycle, I found myself giddy at times today because I did weather the storm. Many moments of anxiety and frustration welled within me each day, but I rode them and continued on.
As I regularly remind myself, I have a lifetime of learning ahead of me to understand how to live with narcolepsy. That does not mean, though, that I must forgo recognizing an important milestone for myself. Typically, when my wife is away, I spiral down throughout the experience. This time, the trend went in reverse. The weekend in Duluth drained me, and my lowest point of the week might have come on Sunday night or Monday morning. Even though my energy level dropped all week, my spirits rose. Yesterday was the most productive day that I had all week. I also have high, but realistic goals for tomorrow.
One incident does not a pattern make, yet I do think that my mood is a strong indicator that I am moving in the right direction, at least from a mental health perspective. Invariably, I still have too much to do. I will also continue to beat myself up on a daily basis. The self-loathing has diminished greatly in the past year, and I am getting slightly better at saying "no" and at asking for help. Perhaps, I will eventually reach a point in time when I am at peace with myself. Until then, I simply need to remember that I am finite and can only do my best (as opposed to "the best").
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